One thing that gets my goat is a woman who is too lazy to put on a bra!!!! Ladies, in case your mother or grand-mother never told you, bras are not an accessory. They are an essential part of clothing, it is not ok to leave your house without your bra on. On any given trip to Wal-Mart you will see more than one woman with her nipples at her belt line...for God's sake no one wants to see this. I don't care if you have to roll those puppies up & tuck them into a bra...put them away before you put somebody's eye out with those things, especially in the cold foods. While we are on the subject of bras...if it has spaghetti straps or no straps at all head on down to Wally World & buy yourself a strapless bra. A bra is an under garment which means that it goes underneath clothing...it should NOT hang out. If if falls off your shoulder then go to the restroom & make the necessary adjustment to the straps & stop pulling at it. If you need assistance to know how to adjust your bra so that it fits correctly then go to Vicky's Secret & they will fit you for a bra & educate you on how to get it to fit you perfectly. You can consider this a Public Service Announcement...free of charge just take the advice...
Several years ago the MLB folks received peer pressure to make baseball players stop using tobacco products when on TV. Here is the rule I would love to see them pass...KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF YOUR JUNK!!! Fellas its not going anywhere...it seriously will not fall off. there is absolutely no friggin' need to touch yourself every time you run across the field. If you just have to adjust your little feller then go to the dug out & hide behind the wall or something. Let's be honest here if y'all had as much junk as you try to convince us that you do women would never feel the need to look at your hands or feet. Nor would you have to worry about having a woman with PMS because she would be so freaking happy that the undertaker couldn't wipe the smile off of her face!!!
Can anyone tell me what makes chips taste better to certain people if they munch them? That sound....I mean really I can take a lot of stuff but the munching of chips is not one of them. I really do try hard but its like nails on a chalk board or the squeak of a fork across a plate...you know how that goes it will take you from southern belle to redneck in the blink of an eye. This is the one sound that will make me want to throat punch you...I mean seriously how hard is it to simply break the chip & put all of it in your mouth? Its just not complicated...I have a nephew that almost lost his life this summer for munching chips...it was all I could do to keep my finger in my ear on the side he was sitting while the adults were having a conversation. Prepare yourself...if you eat a meal with me just know that if you munch your chips I will try very hard to use my grown up manners but if you eat enough of them you just might out work my medication & find yourself punched in the throat...If you simply love the sound of chips being munched then do it in the privacy of your own home because trust me there is not one person with any upbringing that wants to hear you eat chips. "Hey, I think I'm gonna run over to Bob's house & listen to him munch chips>" said no one EVER!!!
Please explain to me why smokers thinks an ashtray looks so much better with cigarette butts on the ground around it? Does it burn your fingers if you drop the butt into the ashtray? For Pete's sake you have the disgusting thing in your mouth & nobody wants to have to put their hand on it to pick it up...when I see people throw their butts on the ground it makes me wonder, do they throw them in the floor at their house? The ashtray is there for you to flick ashes into & to put your butt in there too. There is no touching of spit covered paper if you would simply put those nasty butts in the right place...if you can't put your butt in the right place then maybe you shouldn't smoke!!
This brings me to one of my husband's pet peeves & believe it or not it is nothing I do!!! We have 4 boys 3 of which have dipped. They spit into a bottle & put the lid on it...it drives David bonkers. I'm guessing that as a child or teenager that perhaps he drank a sip of some that a buddy spit into a coke bottle or something...eeeeeeewwwwwww!!! He does have a valid point, nobody wants to see your spit held captive in a bottle. All the boys know they better toss that bottle before they leave or they will probably get a phone call & be asked to drive back to the house & throw it away. So if you dip you can come over to watch the game just take your spit with you when you go...haha
I am currently unable to drive due to vision issues (I will tell y'all that story another time.) but when I did you didn't catch me coming out of any store with a buggy & leaving it sitting in front of my car, next to anybody else's car, or all willy nilly in the parking lot. That is what they have the buggy bins for...you don't have to have some special super power. Unless you consider common sense as a super power because that & a couple arms & legs are all you really need. Just walk your lazy tail over to the cart corral & insert said buggy between the rails. It's honestly that simple!! I have been known to stop folks in the parking lot & tell them that I hoped their fancy smancy car was hit by a buggy rolling out of control knocking half of the paint off it. If you are so upity that you think your car is worth so much more than anyone else's then maybe I need to add you to the list of the people karma has forgotten about & loan her my boots to kick you with. Its rude!! The next time you go to the grocery store or anywhere else at least ACT like your momma raised you right & put your buggy up in the proper receptical.
While we are out & about let's talk about you people who obviously think that a car will not run you over when you cross the parking lot slower than a herd of turtles. You need to check yourself...If someone is in a car & they have stopped to allow you to cross the aisle then get you tail on out of the way. The only kinda special you are is short bus special, turn on the after burners & get out of the way...I don't care what you are wearing nor what kind of phone you are using if you don't want to be a greasy spot on the pavement then skeedaddle!!! I think from now on I will let the turtle train get to about the middle of the car & then just sit down on the horn...it should be good for some laughs for those of us having our patience tested to the max in the car.
Now that I'm in the car & pretending to be in the driver's seat once again...it is pure insanity that when folks buy a new car that they don't at least test the blinker to make sure it works. Cars this day & time cost far too much to not come with a turn signal...Ford makes tons of recalls every year why don't they recall all the cars on the road that don;'t have blinkers? This grinds my gears...don't act like you didn't read that in the driver's manual when you were a teenager...its there I promise you...its there. My uterine radar works good at the house to find the lost shoe no one else can find BUT I didn't have enough money for the mind reader app so I have no idea where you are going...your blinker will probably decrease your chances of getting hit in the rear if you would only use it!!! It really isn't complicated...just push it down if you wanna turn left & push it up if you are going right...if you turn far enough then it will turn itself off. BUT check it, you don't wanna be the old fart driving down the interstate for mile after mile with your blinker still flashing. If your car didn't come with one then you should really return it to the dealership because I am positive that the blinker doesn't cost extra...
This is just the tip of the iceberg of the things that I think are beyond STUPID...the kids think I could possibly be a little too sensitive but come on really, everything I have listed is purely common sense, it doesn't even take a high school diploma to complete most of the tasks. Unfortunately for some people the filter that is supposed to stop some things from coming out of my mouth is on the fritz & since I am too poor to paint & too proud to whitewash I won't be getting the filter fixed. besides it might just help some poor dumb soul out. While you are living life just think about all the things that get your goat...I would love to hear them all, I know I can't be the only one that has stuff that makes my butt itch!!!!
This brings me to one of my husband's pet peeves & believe it or not it is nothing I do!!! We have 4 boys 3 of which have dipped. They spit into a bottle & put the lid on it...it drives David bonkers. I'm guessing that as a child or teenager that perhaps he drank a sip of some that a buddy spit into a coke bottle or something...eeeeeeewwwwwww!!! He does have a valid point, nobody wants to see your spit held captive in a bottle. All the boys know they better toss that bottle before they leave or they will probably get a phone call & be asked to drive back to the house & throw it away. So if you dip you can come over to watch the game just take your spit with you when you go...haha
I am currently unable to drive due to vision issues (I will tell y'all that story another time.) but when I did you didn't catch me coming out of any store with a buggy & leaving it sitting in front of my car, next to anybody else's car, or all willy nilly in the parking lot. That is what they have the buggy bins for...you don't have to have some special super power. Unless you consider common sense as a super power because that & a couple arms & legs are all you really need. Just walk your lazy tail over to the cart corral & insert said buggy between the rails. It's honestly that simple!! I have been known to stop folks in the parking lot & tell them that I hoped their fancy smancy car was hit by a buggy rolling out of control knocking half of the paint off it. If you are so upity that you think your car is worth so much more than anyone else's then maybe I need to add you to the list of the people karma has forgotten about & loan her my boots to kick you with. Its rude!! The next time you go to the grocery store or anywhere else at least ACT like your momma raised you right & put your buggy up in the proper receptical.
While we are out & about let's talk about you people who obviously think that a car will not run you over when you cross the parking lot slower than a herd of turtles. You need to check yourself...If someone is in a car & they have stopped to allow you to cross the aisle then get you tail on out of the way. The only kinda special you are is short bus special, turn on the after burners & get out of the way...I don't care what you are wearing nor what kind of phone you are using if you don't want to be a greasy spot on the pavement then skeedaddle!!! I think from now on I will let the turtle train get to about the middle of the car & then just sit down on the horn...it should be good for some laughs for those of us having our patience tested to the max in the car.
Now that I'm in the car & pretending to be in the driver's seat once again...it is pure insanity that when folks buy a new car that they don't at least test the blinker to make sure it works. Cars this day & time cost far too much to not come with a turn signal...Ford makes tons of recalls every year why don't they recall all the cars on the road that don;'t have blinkers? This grinds my gears...don't act like you didn't read that in the driver's manual when you were a teenager...its there I promise you...its there. My uterine radar works good at the house to find the lost shoe no one else can find BUT I didn't have enough money for the mind reader app so I have no idea where you are going...your blinker will probably decrease your chances of getting hit in the rear if you would only use it!!! It really isn't complicated...just push it down if you wanna turn left & push it up if you are going right...if you turn far enough then it will turn itself off. BUT check it, you don't wanna be the old fart driving down the interstate for mile after mile with your blinker still flashing. If your car didn't come with one then you should really return it to the dealership because I am positive that the blinker doesn't cost extra...
This is just the tip of the iceberg of the things that I think are beyond STUPID...the kids think I could possibly be a little too sensitive but come on really, everything I have listed is purely common sense, it doesn't even take a high school diploma to complete most of the tasks. Unfortunately for some people the filter that is supposed to stop some things from coming out of my mouth is on the fritz & since I am too poor to paint & too proud to whitewash I won't be getting the filter fixed. besides it might just help some poor dumb soul out. While you are living life just think about all the things that get your goat...I would love to hear them all, I know I can't be the only one that has stuff that makes my butt itch!!!!
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