I totally understand that an instruction manual is needed for a laptop these days. I mean I want to know all the cool stuff it can do that the other ones don't. Its not necessary to tell me not to get it wet though, I can pretty much figure that one out on my own.
A mixer for the kitchen...do you need a booklet of instructions?? I would say if you do, you probably should have ridden the short bus to school. Its pretty simple...insert whippers into holes until they click, plug in, insert into whatever you are mixing, turn on & mix ingredients until blended to satisfaction, See you can put that in a fortune cookie, no booklet required.
These days the functions that our cars perform are out of this world. I mean when I started driving there was no such thing as a cell phone (no youngsters, I didn't start driving a horse & buggy...lol). It is necessary to have instructions for functions like syncing all your devices & definitely setting the clock because sometimes it takes a master's level degree to be able to work all that electronic stuff. However, the manual doesn't have to be so freaking thick...changing the oil, rotating tires, & putting the car in drive are pretty self explanatory, I think.
I know you are wondering where in Sam Hill I am going with all of this, just bear with me I am just about to get there. We have instructions for things that really & truly have NO importance in the greater realm of our lives. Yet they send us home from the hospital with these little bundles of joy without even a whisper of what lies ahead for us. Nobody gets a manual for children...What to Expect when your Expecting doesn't even come close to covering how your life will NEVER be the same again.
As a mother, you never sleep the same again. The faintest whimper will wake you up to peep in the cradle just to make sure they are "back to sleep". Those funny little breathing gasps that they do will have you begging God for their next breath. The sweet little faces they make will bring a smile to your face every single time. No one ever tells you how some of the stuff that comes our of those precious little babies will make you want to throw up!!! Where do they keep that stuff...geeze the smell!!!
They mention the terrible twos but you have no idea how terrible they are gonna be. Even the second & third child are so dramatically different than the first so they even take you by surprise. One will smear jelly all over the kitchen table & the next will try to flush clothes down the toilet to help you do the laundry. Some toddlers sleep through the night while others teach you how to maintain sanity while going days without sleeping for more than 3 hours at a time. Not one person will warn you that you should never trust a quiet toddler...a quite toddler is drawing on the wall with a permanent marker or crayons, climbing on anything they can find to climb on, or putting some deadly household chemical into their younger siblings mouth. Spelling words that you don't want them to hear will become your favorite game in some ill attempt to prevent the tantrum from being seen in public. You know the one that the baby books say ignore & it will go away, the part they leave out is they don't disappear until said child moves out on his or her own or goes away too college.
You take them to the doctor & they weigh them, measure how tall they are, then plot it all out on a growth chart as they try to predict how tall your son or daughter will be. Amazing that they can predict how tall they will be, yet they can not even estimate how many questions they are gonna ask when they start to school. Not one parent, doctor or loose lipped friend will warn you that some spiteful school age child is gonna blab that there is no Santa, Easter bunny or tooth fairy & the lengths you will go to just to prove to your child that they exist. Those fabulous teachers at school teach them to add, subtract, multiply, divide, to read & to spell taking away your last bit of privacy. Everybody has advice on how you should discipline your rugrat most of which do not include the main staples used in your child rearing aka the switch & the belt. Time out seems to be the all time favorite yet the world wonders why kids are out of control...news flash...spare the rod spoil the child. A switch or the belt when used in love is not abuse...it teaches kids that some choices come with painful consequences.
Some where around the age of 12, something happens to those sweet innocent children you have loved unconditionally, they should have a hotline for parents of demon possessed spawns of Satan the rest of the world refers to as teenagers. I know you thought you were raising the perfect husband or wife & then BOOM out of no where comes this attitude & they could care less about the fact that you have managed not to let them die thus far in life.. you are suddenly the dumbest human being on the face of this earth. Your taste in clothing is old fashioned, your music is horrible, No more kisses before school nor bed, you will be lucky if you get any conversation from them at this point it is mostly just a series of grunts & moans accompanied by the sarcastic huff. This is about the time you begin to hear your parents saying "I hope you have 12 just like you" & becoming increasingly thankful that you didn't own a plantation that required 12 or 14 kids to help you maintain. If you haven't already you will apologize for all the flack you gave your parents & you understand why they done most of the things they done. Ever so thankful that your parents managed not to kill you.
With all the instructions for things that really do not matter why has no one ever made an instruction manual for children. The fact that we are constantly flying by the seat of our pants renews my belief that God truly does have a sense of humor. How could he not when he sees the utter torment that teenagers put us through. Whitney Houston said that she believed that children were our future & her only advice was to teach them well & help them lead the way. HOLD UP...Where are they leading us to? I can think of not one single reason why on earth I would follow a child today across the street much less any where else.
Together my husband & I have 5 children 4 boys & a girl...we have 1 preteen & 1 still in high school. We are 60% effective, we have 3 kids grown & on their own. They appear to be doing just fine. Therefore, you would think that by this time we could write the perfect instruction manual for parents, however, neither of us are politically correct. We believe in corporal punishment...respect...and the fact that they should eventually, only if they survive those teenage years, become contributing members to society. So if you are in your local book store & you find an instruction manual please give me a yell...at this point I am in desperate need of an instruction manual before these last 2 drive me over the edge.
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